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ALL MY STOCK WILL BE IN MY "SCRAPBOOK".  You can find it there.  You know just because I don't put my name all over something doesn't mean that someone can come out and steal all my pictures.  I put a LOT of time into rendering those pictures and I find that some people have come out and put them up on their site AS THEIR WORK.  That is bullcrap!!!!!

Why can't people have Integrity?  Why do people feel the need to claim other peoples work as their own?  So for right now, I'm not putting up any more stock... when I do they will be located in my Scraps folder.

One person has to ruin it for everyone.  I've seen stock out there that are designer made and they get to remain in their respected folders.  Not me.  Should have realized that with the luck I have nothing would go right.  NOTHING ever goes right with me.

Stock available:
Dresses
Skirts
Shirts
Pants
Crowns
Necklaces
  • Listening to: VIXX
  • Reading: Genki I
  • Watching: The Virus - KDrama
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Green Tea
Looks like there are rays of sunshine poking through the clouds.  I hope so. 
  • Listening to: VIXX
  • Reading: Genki I
  • Watching: The Virus - KDrama
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Green Tea
I guess when I get down to it, I ask too much of people.  I'm lonely stuck here in this one horse town.  The only friend I had that lived close to me turned out to be a lying, thieving, skank ho, so I had to send her packing.  I don't want people in my life like that.  Another friend I had turned on me when my husband and I divorced, just because her husband and her were living with him.  I don't talk to them either.  Another friend just blipped out of my life.  Most of my friends forget that I'm alive because I live where they don't.  Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it only makes people forget about you.

There is no one here that would understands me.  I live in a world of my own watching through a window I can't break.

I have a tendency to run people off after they have stabbed me in the back 3 times.  I can't stand people who lie, are untrustworthy, are condescending, are self-absorbed, are whiners and fakes.  I guess that is why I'm lonely, I can't let go of my standards long enough to jump into the humanity pool.  I give and give of myself and I usually get nothing in return, well, I haven't gotten back what I put in in over 41 years, who says it will start now?  

Don't get me wrong.  I still have friends but they live in another state or far from me.  

I watch people around here all the time and I haven't seen one person close to where I live that I want to associate with.  Most of the people here are shallow and self-absorbed.  It's all country music, cut hair-cuts, chewing tobacco and hunting.  Of course most people my age have kids and that is one thing I can't stand... kids.  I like them.  I just can't handle them being around for a long time.

When other girls where thinking about their weddings as little girls, I wasn't.  When they had baby dolls and acted like a mother to them, I just thought that was weird.  Of course I grew up with mostly adults around me.  I've been told I have an old soul, maybe that is why I can't stand the giddy-giddy girly crap or the sister-bertha-better-than-you type of people.

Boy, I'm maudlin today.  BAH
  • Listening to: Monday Kiz
  • Reading: Genki I
  • Watching: Bridal Mask - Kdrama
  • Playing: Alchemy
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Diet Cream Soda
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.
  • Listening to: 4Minute
  • Reading: Genki I
  • Watching: Take Care of the Young Lady - Kdrama
  • Playing: Pyramid Solitaire
  • Eating: Chocolate
  • Drinking: Pepsi Max
What I've Learned from Watching Horror Films:

By Meika Bashline



1. Never vacation in the South (Crap! I live here.), Middle America or the Desert.

2. Never follow the directions of locals.  Going two miles down the road and turning right at the big rock aren't directions they are slips of sanity.

3. If you see a creepy or hurt kid, RUN!

4. If you hear a sound in your home don't go looking for what made the sound, run upstairs or hide, get the heck out!

5. Don't be too happy-friendly with the people you travel with because ultimately you WILL have to run faster than them at sometime.

6. If a cop has a southern accent, don't trust them.

7. If the generator or fuse box is either in the basement or 100 yards from the house and it blows just light candles.

8. When traveling don't just have a cell phone, rent or buy a satellite phone -> larger reception area.

9. If you have to shoot someone shoot to kill ->  head shot or just unload all your ammo into them.

10. If you come across a dilapitated or run down house in the middle of no where, don't go inside.

11. When you are getting away in a car don't drive crazy.  Be calm about it and drive responsibly because if not you will CRASH!

12. If you do happen to be hiding, don't make a single sound.

13. Always carry 2 guns and LOTS of ammo.

14. If a person is grody looking, you know bloody or slimy and moaning, "Grrrr, Arrrgh", either shoot them or run, just don't stand there watching them get closer.

15. If there is an escaped maniac, prisoner, animal or mother-in-law anywhere in the vacinity just keep motoring.

16. If you hear creepy background music don't look behind the curtain or door and for goodness sakes, don't back up.

17. If you have to protect yourself by shooting someone and their family is about make sure you kill them all especially if one of them is named Bubba or has one tooth.

18. While riding in a car and you have a CB handy don't tick off the truckers... especially if one of them is named, "Rusy Nail".

19. Don't dress like a "ho" and expect to be treated like a lady or a person.

20. If in-bred Joe starts staring at you lustily begin to drool, walk with crooked knees limping, while grabbing at your hair, twitching and cussing like a sailor, it might just save your life.

21. If you get attacked by a wolfman kick him in the junk cause we all known where canines hide their family jewels.  It's really hard to get bitten or chased when it is on the ground howling in pain.  Also, don't stand around, point and laugh.

22. Like #21 this will also work on female werewolves.  I've been kicked in that spot once and went down faster than a $10 hooker.

23. Always wear a tin foil hat when psychics are about.

24. If you are going to hold up  a cross so something doesn't get you make sure you have faith in God, cause if not you are just amusing the thing.

25. Garlic doesn't work on most vampires, it just makes you smelly.

26. When something explodes don't stand there with your mouth open.  Otherwise you will get a mouthful of liquidified person, monster, animal or fish.

27. If you come across a cannibal don't be a smart butt and ask if he has any Grey Poupon.

28. When and if you go camping in the woods make sure it is not during the time bears are gorging before hibernating.

29. That saying, "Have sword, will travel" isn't just pretty words, they are words of wisdom.

30. If -everyone- in your town is sick don't stay to be the good samaritan - LEAVE!  Especially if the military are involved.

31. Drool, blood or goo of any form that dribbles on you usually means your end is near.

32. Never wear a red shirt.

33. If the local idiot is a friend of yours always leave him at home when you go out because he will always end up doing something stupid that will end with pain, screaming or running for your life.

34. Never collect baby dolls.  They are of the devil!

35. If your pooch runs off in some rural or out of the way place let them, they will either return or they won't either way your alive and you can always buy another dog.

36. NEVER drink the water.

37. When going to a motel cover any mirror or small hole.  It never hurts to be too safe.

38. If there happens to be an opponent that doesn't seem to die but instead keeps coming at you, when you finally get them down, don't just leave because eventually the sucker will just get up again.  Instead chop them into little pieces.  That will definitely slow down that healing factor or make more of them, but you'll never know until it's done.

39. If you find a whacked out baby doll or baby doll heads hanging in someones property, don't go and ask to use the phone.

40. When you get in trouble feel around, there will always be a stone, stick, hammer or screw driver within reach.

41. Sunlight is your friend.

42. Never where heels when going on a road trip.

43. Never disturb a Native American burial ground or tick off a Native American.

44. Don't have big breasticles.  If you do before you go on vacation smoosh though puppies down.  You'll thank me later.
  • Listening to: ViViD
  • Reading: Nightworld
  • Watching: Baker King, Kim Tak Gu - Kdrama
  • Playing: 69-II
  • Eating: Air
  • Drinking: Diet Dr. Pepper
So, like I said, I checked myself into St. Dominic's Behavioral Health Center in Jackson, MS.  The first day was half a day, so I was really quiet and I watched what was going on around me.  Of course, I didn't sleep that night.  I really don't sleep that much anyway.  After 2 hours my body is like, "OK, WAKE UP!"

After 10PM everyone had to be in their rooms and couldn't come out until 5AM.  No TV or radio in the rooms, just a bathroom, bed, rolling table and side table.  Let's just say I was extremely bored that night.  Oh also no clocks in the room so I couldn't tell what time it was.

In the morning I left my room finally and walked to the day room, which is hard for me because of the birth defect in my back, and they put me at the end of the hall.  They wouldn't let me have a cane, walker, or wheelchair.  So, without saying but I will anyway, I was in severe pain the entire time I was there.

Because I was in the "Acute Ward" here is an approximate breakdown of my day...

7am "Wake up", then clean room, go to the dayroom, med time, stay in the dayroom and twiddle thumbs, meet with Dr., breakfast, social activity like Bingo or coloring, twiddle thumbs, lunch time, then had to be in room for 2 hours from 12-2pm... I called this "Nap time", after 2 come out and back to twiddling thumbs, another bingo game, twiddle thumbs, more twiddling, another bingo game, supper at 4:30pm, a talk from the nurse for everyone (their attempt at education), twiddle, snack time, twiddle, then "lights out at 10".

The second day I was there the cable went out for the whole place which meant, NO TV.  I told a couple of people I made "friends" with... I can't believe they are letting the "crazies" sit around with nothing to do and getting bored.  You know what happens when "crazies" get bored don't you... Trouble happens."

Meeting with the Dr.  He tells me that he isn't going to do anything with my meds that he just wanted to watch me for the day.  I blinked thinking, "If my meds were working I wouldn't be here would I?" but I didn't say anything.  I just looked at him and nodded.  

The nurses were the RUDEST I had ever, ever met in my life.  I had 4 legitimate questions while I was there.  3 of those times, as I was standing at the nurses station, I was ignored.  They actually looked up and saw that I was there then went on with what they were doing.  I was in disbelief.  I mean I know that the mental people would more than likely go up there and complain about stupid little things, but I really had questions... like, "CAN I HAVE MY PAIN PILL NOW?"  and I was ignored.  I should have plastered myself onto the windows, looking like a squashed bug, maybe that would have gotten their attention.

The only people that treated others with respect or thought that the patients were human were the orderlies.

Not to mention I was the smartest patient on that ward.  Most of the patients were homeless people that only came in for a bed, shelter, and food for a couple of days.  Then there were the mentally slow and also the ones so doped up they didn't know where or when they were.  It probably would have been a different experience for me if I had been doped up out of my mind, but no, I was clear headed.

That night as I was awake in my room I saw something reflect off my wall.  I got up and looked at the wall from different angles and what I saw creeped me out.  There were hand prints, finger prints and crosses drawn on the wall.  So I got a rag, ran water over it and tried to get it off.  Nothing, these things weren't coming off the walls then I saw wipe marks like someone had tried to wipe them off before.  Not 3 minutes after I started this a nurse came in and asked me what I was doing.  Great, I thought, she is going to think I'm crazy.  I told her that there were hand and finger prints all over the wall plus drawn crosses.  I stood where I could see them and pointed right here is a cross.  She stood straight looking at the wall and said, "I don't see it."  I frowned and shook my head, "You have to stand right here.  I'll back up but you have to stand at the side to see them."  She wouldn't move to the side just stood there looking at it straight on.  I sighed as she said, "I still can't see them."  I shook my head and released that this wasn't going anywhere then shrugged my shoulders because I knew this wasn't going anywhere.  She asked me a bunch of questions and I just tossed the rag down and sat back down on the bed.

After she left I realized there was no way she could have known I was doing something to the walls.  Then it hit me... there is a camera in the room.  Later on I saw the screen that had all the patients rooms on it and nodded.  I was right, there was a camera in the room.

That night I made up my mind, cause this place wasn't what I thought it would be.  There were no meeting with a psychologist for talks or group therapy and the doctor wasn't doing anything with my meds and he didn't want to send me to the other ward where there was therapy... I made up my mind to leave cause they weren't going to help me and I was getting nothing out of the place, no help at all.

So I made a decision, if the Dr. said that I had to stay another night and he does not do anything with my meds... I'm going home.  There was no sense in me being there if they were going to do nothing with me.  I wasn't homeless and biding my time.  I wasn't slow in the head and didn't care where I was.  I wasn't an alcoholic or druggie that was out of my mind.  I legitimately needed help and I wasn't getting it.

My time to see the Dr. came up finally.  After I showed him the LIST of meds I have been on (Because I'm a multiple, some of my personalities were allergic to the meds so when they fronted, it wasn't good.  Some of the meds just caused my anger to blossom into full blown rage.  I know the ones that knew me when I was younger are probably thinking, "WOW, I didn't know she was that messed up."  Heh)  said, "Well, I'm not going to do anything with your meds because basically you have been on everything.  I want you to stay another night."  I'm looking at him like he has two heads then I spoke up.  "People more messed up with me have come and gone within a matter of hours here, either back out into the world or transfer to Ward 1 (with the therapy) and you are keeping me here.  I don't get it.  You aren't working with my meds.  I'm just sitting here not getting the help I need and staring at walls.  I don't think that is right."  He said, "Well, I want you to stay another night."  I set my jaw and said, "No... I want to go home.  You guys aren't helping me but if I go home I can go to the place that is closer to my house, which has my new therapist and I can see a psychiatrist and work with her about my meds.  I can get more done by being there, at my house, than I can here, which I thought was going to be the other way around."

He says, "I want to keep you another night."  "FOR what?" I question, "I'm not doing anything more than just sitting here getting ignored."  Though in my head I figured it out... they wanted me to stay so they could bill medicaid for that other night... gots to get the money's yo.  I continued, "I checked myself in.  I can check myself out. Period.  I know you can stop me by putting a 72 hour hold on me, but come on, I don't just want to sit here especially with the people that are here now.  I just had a homeless guy ask me to be his girlfriend and he is following me around.  NO, I want to go home."

He says, "Well in order for you to go home we have to get in contact with your mother and ask her if it is ok for you to go home."  I blinked in disbelief.  He continues, "We have already tried to call her twice and she hasn't answered."  Which seems funny cause I just got off the phone with her and there were no problems.  Then I thought, "Why would they want to talk to my mother?  It seemed convenient that he tells me they have to call her to get an ok for me to go home and suddenly he says they have tried to call her twice about it so far.......... uhm.....  something isn't right here."  I said, "Well, I just got off the phone with her and she wants me home."  There was a phone in this room that worked.  I pointed to the phone and said, "You can call her now.  It wouldn't take more than 5 minutes to ask her that question."  He shook his head and said, "That phone doesn't work."  "Yes, it does." I said.  "Well, I can't use it."  "What?"  "Besides your social worker has to call and get the ok from your mother."  I just looked at him as he says, "I'll get in touch with your social worker when I get done with the other patients."  I just stared at him then nodded as my worst fear in the world was about to come true....  I walked into this place and they weren't going to let me go home.  They were going to keep me for the rest of my life.  Fear crept over me like a wraith over grave stones.

I walked out and called my mother.  I asked her if anyone from St. Dominic's had tried to call her and she told me, "No."  That fear crept even deeper into my soul.  So I waited and waited calling my mother every now and then to see if anyone has called her... nothing.  I told her to call the nurses desk to get her number... the nurse told her that she couldn't give out the social workers number that she would take a message and get it to her.  A little while later I called my mother to see if she had been called, by this time I was crying and trying to get my breath because I really was starting to freak out.  My mother said that no one has called her yet.  It was getting later and later and all I saw was the walls coming closer to me (Not literally).

I told her to call the nurses desk again and this time tell them, "I need to speak to Meika's social worker.  I have that right according to my daughter's patient rights and her giving me power of decisions when she signed that paper as she checked in.  If I'm not transferred over to her therapists number so I can talk to her or leave a message I will go above you and take this to the people higher in the food chain."  I heard the phone ring and I looked over at the nurse on the phone.  She looked at me and gave me this evil look as she put the phone back on the stand.  A while later I called my mother again and she said she was transferred this time and she left a message with Julie.

So it was past lunch and past quiet time when a class started.  The man leading the class was the social workers high muckity-muck.  He said that this was the time to complain or raises concerns.  So I raised my hand and as I started talking I heard my name whispered to the right of me.  I turned and it was my social worker.  She motioned me out of the room and into the hall.  She said, "I just got your mothers message about you wanting to come home and such.  So I have to call her and get her permission."  I said, "Awesome."  Then, "Hey, did you get a message from the Dr. or the Nurse for you to call my mother?"  She said, "No.  They never left a message."  Hmmmmm...  "Have you tried to call my mother at anytime during my stay here?"  "No, not at all."  Hmmmm, again.

I went into the room with her as she called my mother.  She smiled and nodded and told her to get on her way over.  I knew it was going to take time getting here from Carthage but at least some of that fear was dissipating.  She said she had to call the Dr. and get his permission.  She called him then came back to me and said, "Go get your stuff ready."

By 4PM I was out of there and it has been three days or so and when I think about it I still start shaking.

If you live in Jackson, MS or anywhere close to that... NEVER go to that hospital!!!!!
  • Listening to: ViViD
  • Reading: Sushi Economy
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen Season 9
  • Playing: 69-II
  • Eating: Sugar free candy
  • Drinking: Diet Snapple
So I'm checking myself into a "mental" ward.  Tomorrow they should have another bed available.  I need some help with my panic attacks.   After I had my heart attack I've been flying into panic attacks whenever there is the slightest pain in my chest.  So I'm deciding to do something about it.  I'll be gone about 7 to 10 days.

Love, Lust and Lollipops.
  • Listening to: ViViD
  • Reading: Sushi Economy
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen Season 9
  • Playing: 69-II
  • Eating: Sugar free candy
  • Drinking: Diet Snapple
It has just come to me.  I have figured out what it would take to become the perfect girl for some men.  All I have to become is a lithe, leggy, green-eyed, red haired, bi-sexual Asian female standing 5'6 - 5'7 with a perfect figure containing big bazoonga's and a nice hiney that likes to cosplay as a school girl. *Twitch*
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen season 7
  • Playing: Fight for you by Golf and Mike
  • Eating: pickles cause they are yum
  • Drinking: Coke
For some this is a happy time of year.  For others it is the pits.  For me it was an adventure one in which I don't want to take again.

It was around 3 pm when I returned from my friends house.  For a couple of days my back, shoulders, and chest muscles were hurting, feeling weird, really weird.  When I entered the house the feeling became more pronounced, like someone was sitting on my chest.  I tried to ignore it but then it got to where I couldn't breath.  The pressure continued until it was a burning, heart burning, feeling that I couldn't get rid of.  I had just called my Aunt Sheilah to see if I should go to the ER because I thought it was a panic attack.   I hung up and ate one bite of my dinner, tossed the bowl back at my mother and said, "I HAVE TO GO NOW!!!"

She sprung up and went to get dressed.  To me she was taking too long so I called for an Ambulance.  Somehow I knew I couldn't make it down the stairs to get into the car.  Somehow I knew that an Ambulance was my best bet.  In between trying to breath I asked my mother to get me some baby aspirin.  I took one.

When the EMS got there they plied me with 3 more and 3 nitro just to make sure.  I began to sweat badly but the pressure was easing a little because of the nitro.  They put in the IV and got me into the Ambulance with a heart monitor on.  We took off to the towns hospital where on duty was Dr. Ong, my family doctor.

When I got there they put on a 12 lead EKG monitor to check my heart.  Dr. Ong was convinced because of my age that it wasn't a heart attack.  He said, "No, I don't think that is what is goinnnn...."  He stopped talking only to look at the EKG then spouted, "OH MY GOD!!!"  A flurry of commands went out.  I found myself being shot up with a blood thinner and something else, not really sure what.. that time was kinda fuzzy.  A crowd of people were undressing me and shaving my groin area to get me ready for surgery.  

Meanwhile I was just watching all this like it was a dream.  I wasn't frightened.  I wasn't scared.  I was just.... calm.

I remember my mother saying, "Why is her lips so blue?"

Dr. Ong said, "Because she is having a heart attack."  Like... DUH.  heh

So I'm wheeled to the Ambulance again and I take off for Jackson (35 minutes away), fast.  I knew the weather was going to be bad that night, but didn't expect anything like it was.  It first started to rain when we hit the road.

The pain had started to ease some so I began to relax.  I watched the windows.  The sky quickly became black with lightning slashing all around us.  The rain pounded down but there was no fear in me.  It all felt alright, even when we hydroplaned those couple of time.  The weather came on the radio and I heard mention that there was a tornado in the area.  Leave it to me to pick this kind of night, but that didn't stop us.

Everything to me was peaceful, but I do remember saying over and over, "God, I don't want to die yet..."  other than that, it was warm all around me, like I was being comforted.

When we got to the hospital, which seemed quicker than I realized they wheeled me right into the cath room.  I wasn't put under.  I was laughing and joking with the nurses and such.  The Dr. mentioned that he was putting in the Deadening agent but that didn't stop my leg from almost jumping when he hit the nerve that runs down the leg.  BIG CRAMP.  Then suddenly my leg was asleep.  The Dr. told the nurses to give me some medicine to make me sleepy.  She says she did, but I didn't feel a thing.  I was wide awake and singing, "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine...."  The Dr looked over at me.  I looked at him and smiled when he said, "She is still awake!!!"

I heard the Dr. explain what was happening.. then he said, "The stent is in."  They left the tube in my leg for a little while because of the blood thinner I was given and I was taken to CCU.  I had to keep that leg straight for four hours then when the tube was taken out I had to keep it straight for another four hours.  It was painful when they took it out but what are you going to do when they have to put pressure on the femoral artery for 20 minutes to make sure you don't bleed to death. :)

Still through everything I was laughing and joking around with the staff.  I knew it was serious what happened to me but I wasn't worried for some reason.   Somehow I knew that everything was going to be alright.  I felt the warmth of God and I felt His love for me.  Something I had been doubting for a long time now.  I don't doubt it now.  Never again.

My nurses were all amazed at how I was acting.  Still able to laugh and joke around, but being bitter because this happened wasn't even in my thoughts.

At 12 midnight when other people were at their parties... I was ALIVE!!!  When other people were drinking and celebrating there was a little celebration going on in that room in CCU.  I was ALIVE!!!

I called the nurse in at 12.  She bounced in and I smiled then whispered yelled, "HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!"  She laughed and wished me the same then went out and told everyone else it was the New Year.

There was a little damage to my heart but 3 days later when I had an electrocardiogram they said my heart looked and sounded wonderful.

Before all this happened I was contemplating suicide, now those thoughts are no longer with me and everyday is bright and warm, like a lovers embrace.

My life has changed drastically.  My thoughts have changed drastically.  I no longer live behind that dark curtain I have for so many years now.  It was blown away that night by people who cared, by a tornado that couldn't stop us, and by God that made it all happen.

I sit here smiling now remembering everything.  Though I still have fears about small things but they say that is normal, I don't have fear of life, love, or dying anymore.  I don't wait to say things to people and I make sure I tell those that I love... I love them, because you just never know.

Thank you God.
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen season 7
  • Playing: Fight for you by Golf and Mike
  • Eating: pickles cause they are yum
  • Drinking: Coke
There is nothing like living through a tornado and a heart attack on New Years Eve to give a person another view on life. :)

Yes, I lived. :)
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen season 7
  • Playing: Fight for you by Golf and Mike
  • Eating: pickles cause they are yum
  • Drinking: Coke
Tomorrow is mah birthday.  I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that.  *snickers*

Love, Lust, and Lollipops
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen season 7
  • Playing: Fight for you by Golf and Mike
  • Eating: pickles cause they are yum
  • Drinking: Coke
My mother is alright now, Thank God!!!  But while she was at the hospital they did a CAT scan of her lungs and found something strange.  She is going to the lung doctor Sept. 2, my birthday, pray that it isn't bad news.  

KOWAII!!!
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen season 7
  • Playing: Fight for you by Golf and Mike
  • Eating: pickles cause they are yum
  • Drinking: Coke
My mother and I go to her Dr.s appointment this afternoon where she ends up getting a shot for the pain in her shoulder.  20 minutes later at home her eyes roll back into her head and she falls back against the bed.  I called 911 for them to get an ambulance out there.

5 minutes later they were there... yeah for small towns.  Later on in the emergency room I was told that the EMT said that if I hadn't of called when I did she would have been dead... that is the reaction she had to this new pain medication.

Right now she is in the hospital but is doing better... thank GOD!!!

God knows I can't do without my mother... not now.
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen season 7
  • Playing: Fight for you by Golf and Mike
  • Eating: pickles cause they are yum
  • Drinking: Coke
I just learned through a fluke of the information highway that my ex-husband has been diagnosed with Aspergers... a type of autism.  When I think back at things that has happened it makes perfect sense... doesn't mean I will forgive so easily, but it makes sense.

Oh well, such is the lot of my life to never be happy.

Love, lust, and lollipops,
Meika

PS.  I wrote to GACKT through his email and even though he has answered other people he hasn't answered me... what did I expect something good to happen to me in my life.  Oh well.  

And yes, if you can't tell, I'm down.
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen season 7
  • Playing: Fight for you by Golf and Mike
  • Eating: pickles cause they are yum
  • Drinking: Coke
Like I said, I saw a picture of Mike from Golf and Mike and I thought... ohhh, there needs to be more pictures like that cause that is HAWT!!!

No credit to me cause I did nothing special if you want to use them to make wallpapers, just let me see whatcha did. :)

Be well y'all.

Love, Lust, and Lollipops
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Hell's Kitchen season 7
  • Playing: Fight for you by Golf and Mike
  • Eating: pickles cause they are yum
  • Drinking: Coke
It's the same ole thing, I'm up to no good.  Right now my mother is sick in the hospital with Pneumonia.  It seems like one thing or the other around here and having weather that is about 109 degrees with the heat index and suffering from a drought... yeah, lets say that things are a dry, humid, hot, sweaty mess down here. :)

Most of the time I feel like banging my head against my desk because the situations just keeps coming one after another.  I thought that was over when I got my divorce.. that is another thing altogether.  I think the one thing that keeps me going is knowing that if something happened to me my mother would be one blade of grass on this side of sane.  That would just push her over and I don't want to do that to her.

Good new though, in case most of you don't know I won my Social Security case.  It took 3 and some odd years and I had to hire a lawyer, who took $4,000 of my back pay, then go and see a judge but at least I'm able to bring in money to the house now. So I don't feel so much like a loser.

I'm 38 almost 39 and can't work.  No prospects to have a life.  I live in a small town and the most exciting thing around here that happens is sitting outside watching rust form on the bumper of my car.

I feel trapped and I want to scream.  I'm no longer young enough to do the things I want to do.  I don't have the body to dress the way I want to and it just seems like I wasted all that time, love, and energy on one person only to be told 6 years later... "I don't love you get out."

YES!!  I'm stuck on that.

I keep thinking of all the things I could have done and all the people I could have talked to instead I wasted my life... well, that part of my life.

At least I'm building up my flannel cat ear hat collection.  I have two of them.  It is few and far between that I can actually buy something for myself they are like my babies.  I loves them soooooo. :)
  • Listening to: Fahrenheit
  • Reading: Pillars of the Earth
  • Watching: Tokyo Dogs
  • Playing: tag with the easter bunny.
  • Eating: jjungmyun (SP)
  • Drinking: Coke
Well CRAP!!!!

*sniffles and pouts with the news but ALWAYS KEEPS THE FAITH*
  • Listening to: KAT-TUN
  • Reading: History of Japan
  • Watching: Remote
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Bugles
  • Drinking: Coke
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.


ZZZZZZzzzzzZZZzzZZZzZZz

*Kiss*
  • Listening to: KAT-TUN
  • Reading: History of Japan
  • Watching: Raifu
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Donut holes
  • Drinking: Coke

*Squee*

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 26, 2009, 6:24 AM



*Headbanging to Alice Nines "Yami ni chiru sakura".

Oh, oh sorry, I didn't see you come in.

*Places on turkey suit*

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Graphics by tyleramato
CSS by moonfreak
  • Listening to: KAT-TUN
  • Reading: History of Japan
  • Watching: Raifu
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Donut holes
  • Drinking: Coke
Ok.  I know I haven't updated in a long time.  Things have been going crazy around here lately.

First, lets see... my breaks went out on my car as I was coming to a stop sign at the bottom of a hill.

A LARGE tree limb as big as some of the trees outside broke off and fell onto my roof.  It was laying mostly across my side of the house and almost to the living room.  Yup, you are right that scared the pee outta me.  It cracked the roofing.

Hmm... what else...

I slid down a hill cause I couldn't make it up.  I ended up grabbing something and ripping my bicep muscle and displacing my shoulder a little bit.

OHHHH, and the thing that stroked the camel sack.... I got a brown recluse bite on the BRIDGE of my NOSE.  Now I have this HOLE, or shall I say a deep pit on my nose.  OH yeah, that rocked something hardcore.  The fact that I have a hole on the nose doesn't bother me... it's the whole part that I had a SPIDER on my face when I was sleeping that wigs me out.

I think that is it actually.  Woot, my life these past few months summed up in a nice little package.

I Lurve You Guys.

OOOOHHHHH yeah, I don't play World of Warcraft anymore.  I gave that up. *nodnod*  I figure playing a game almost one whole year, so says the days played on the game, was a little bit much.  Yup.

--Love, Lust, and Lollipops
  • Listening to: KAT-TUN
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Raifu
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Donut holes
  • Drinking: Coke